Revelations

So, with the new attention drawn to the suicides in the GLBT communities, I just had a revelation of my own. One of my closest friends just came out to me and I feel awful.... I mean I have known this person for ages and here we are at 22 and I only now get the news flash... He is the most balanced, oddly practical and uniquely kindest individual I have ever known, and I kinda had the idea that maybe he felt this way, but he never said anything and I don't think I ever came out and asked... The terrible feeling-ness comes from the fact that I must have been putting off the "I can't handle this information" vibe because it's taken him this long to tell me...

I put a premium on trust and I have gone to this person over and over again in almost every crisis in my life, unloaded on him, cried at him, crushed on him, and confided in him and yet while I narrated my entire life-insanity to him, he never once felt that he could tell me. You have to understand how much I love this man. Don't get me wrong, I adore the Boyfriend, he is the love of my life, but, (we'll call this new addition Best Man) BM is probably the one who taught me how to deal, accept and love... He is kinda a standard in my life, I know he's not going anywhere and if he does I think I will have quite the crisis of self... I have taken advantage of BM, I have been a bitch to him, I think I once threw a shoe at him... (Why the hell should he trust me!?!) And then there have been the all night movie-nights, the "I'm making curry for you!" evenings, the "my boyfriend just broke up with me..." sob fests, the "I'm bored, can I watch you kill things online for a while?" afternoons... He deserves better on all counts... He has had a rough time of things but will shrug it off and tell me to mind my own life. "He doesn't want to burden me with it" and he just keeps whatever he is thinking to himself...

I want to give him more in life, but I know I can only work on our friendship and earning his trust where he has valiantly stood up to mine. I hope that we don't have anymore secrets like this between us, but even if we do I hope that he understands that I want to know, even if he doesn't want to tell me. I don't want to be one of those people who ostracizes others because of their difference. I don't think I would be the person I am if I didn't have BM in my life. I know that I am a better person because of him, there are times that I wonder where I would be if he hadn't been there to offer sanctuary when the ugliness was consuming me. I love this man and I want him to know it. I never want him to be one of those pieces of statistical data proving that American society is so contradictingly unbending and judgmental that it will sacrifice the beauty of human experience to arcane taboos... He is worth more than that, we all are.